sargsauce

Your first qoute is my refernce to our heart. No, not the blood pumping heart, but our love heart. It was about how when we fall for something that doesnt ...

Ohhh, now that its laid out for me, I can see the rhythm now. The trouble is that I have a tendency to read kinda fast (and not savor the ...

#2: “What do you do with happiness?” The question rattled its cage and demanded to be fed From the dismal dark within my head. I don't have the will to ...

Jiggity, you are indeed the winner. Yours was more concise, too, which is makes it more swell. Overall, I do agree with all of you. Thanks for the comments! Some ...

Really great imagery and rhythm. It oozes with nostalgia. I, personally, am a fan of the "so in love" part because it conveys that nostalgic regret that's tinged with the ...

So my introductory poem post from today coincides magically (in a way) with what you have written here. How co-incidental. "fragments of puddles struggle to carry aloft the weight of ...

Concerning April 8th: "the busy Monday morning footprints" Great line. "now someone can't go home maybe they don't have gloves what would I do I would cry poor them" This ...

I cannot guarantee what realm my writing will linger in, so I'll go ahead and preemptively put 12+ here. Another Day in the Station how many drops clung to her ...

I very much agree with abake's criticism. The first couple paragraphs I read through were all right. Your words and sentence structure were interesting enough, though I didn't really see ...

It's well written. Your imagery and word choice are sophisticated and get the point across. That said, the story could use more substance. We only know two fairly shallow qualities ...

Dialogue is not the only reason to make a new paragraph. Please split up your first and last gigantic blocks of text because it is very unreadable without that. Seriously, ...

Iiiii approve. Dark, bitter, mature. The choppy beginning is the perfect lure to the second paragraph where you take your time to pick apart some stupid fantasy like a bad ...

Pretty good. It became a little predictable once you realize Bill is a little crazy and Freddy probably isn't a regular joe, but that's okay. What matters is how the ...

In a word: boring. There is no conflict here worth noting in anything larger in influence than gossip and girl-talk. If this writing is intended for an article in Teen ...

I dig it. The entire time I was reading it, I thought something was off: it was the way the narrator's tone in the flashback is a little detached and ...