sargsauce

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Well, hopefully I'll offer a more critical view of your work. Like the fact that your parents could care less about you and what you do. They weren't always like ...

You don't need that end bit there where you've explained all. If you wrote your story well enough, then you don't need to tell us the moral of the story, ...

It's true, your rhymes are a little more unique and interesting. I enjoyed the slant rhyme of believed and need. However, your overall theme is delivered about as vague as ...

Thanks for the comment, Jasmine! I suppose the show-offy-ness of a vocabulary depends on the person cos I use scraggly and algae and perforate (even frozen tv dinners use it: ...

Well, it's difficult to critique it because it's hard to tell if you really do or don't agree with poetry. You should perhaps take the first person out of the ...

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Well, you made some cosmetic changes, which is good. But there still exist the problems: 1) Conflict isn't compelling. It's brief and settled by: "Give me the money." "What?" "Give ...

At age 7, I took karate. Y'know that kiai shout that people make? It's usually a consonant-less "YAAAA!" sound. This one thirty-something-year-old guy's kiai was, "SARG!" I never knew him ...

About ten years ago, I was a member of The Young Writers' Club, the spiritual predecessor of this one. Life caused me to only stay a couple years. Around January ...

The beginning incident and the dialect you wrote with drew me in in the beginning. However, it quickly let me down. 1) Get rid of unnecessary words and phrases that ...

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I'm glad the story has a happy ending. And that happy ending is? Toilet paper. And silverware. That made me laugh because it's so very true. You set the mood ...

The first half was great. Your language and descriptions are spot on and ring with the tone of disappointment and loneliness you were going for. And it was in this ...

Ahoy! So far the weather's not too terrible. It's been "raining" (read: "misting"). Anyway there's too much going on to care. I know you like the 'behind the scenes' to ...