sargsauce

Great opener. Pointed and vivid. that they couldn't take hysterical me to identify you because of your face. The "hysterical me" part is slightly off-putting. It took me a double ...

Smaur: Thanks a mucho for the review. Again, you've hit the nail on the head. And again, I find myself wrestling with 1) What's appropriate in a literary context and ...

Very general comments: 1) Expand on this. What you've shown us is basically a singular event. We don't understand anything new about the characters besides Rachel is some kind of ...

Well, I read it all. Well, I mostly skimmed it. You've got a great voice. You're really in there with the attitude and annoyances. But you're severely lacking in the ...

Well, it's true, you're trying to stay true to the source material. Though, just a thought, and I realize that you won't do it at this point, but 1) you ...

You have a good handle on prose and writing, especially for your age. For that, it was enjoyable. However, your choice of overall story arc suffers. This is a breakdown ...

Having a roommate 4 feet away from my desk most of the time really killed the mood. Couldn't do much but expel creative energies in other media: visual, theater, music... ...

[Removed for editing. Thanks for reading.]

This was, honestly....rather spectacular. Loved it. Maybe I just like gothic-style writing. Anyway, here are my notes: 1) Make yourself a better title. It needs something aloof yet haunting. 2) ...

Well, there is a world of difference between "describing more" and saying "he was 5 feet 10.6 inches tall, with auburn hair parted in the middle and his left hand ...

Your work suffers from wordiness and over-description and complete lack of emotion. Here come the notes: It is light outside but the room being painted black causes the room to ...

General comments: 1) This doesn't go anywhere, but it might have potential. Make it a story, give someone a goal, let there be something to strive for. 2) What's with ...

First: Check your facts. BMWs are European made and thus, as opposed to American cars, do not typically have sensitive steering wheels or pedals. Driving them back to back, one ...

Thoroughly interesting. However, I have a disagreement with it on a fundamental level. Poetry has its place in poetry. Shorter and easier to swallow, so the ponderous pace has its ...

Thanks, folks, for taking the time to write! Here are some notes for you and future readers: 1) huddelump. There are a couple interesting theories on the origin of the ...