sargsauce

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! However, I hate to break it to you, but "parts" means a different thing in music than it does usually. In ...

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The truth of the matter is I’m evil. Archie was always good. This didn't mean anything in the course of the story. If anything, Archie's the evil one, it seems. ...

Only when I thought that the fainting would come. "Only when I thought I would faint" sounds better. "The fainting" makes it sound like repeated faintings. Like *faint* *get up* ...

First thing that comes to mind: Use names less. "Hi," Cru said. "Hi," Jess said. "How are you?" Cru said. Jess shrugged. Cru nodded. Jess nodded in response. It begins ...

Don't get me wrong; when I said it was "rough" I meant it as a good thing. A guy sitting alone at a bar knocking back drinks and hating himself ...

An essential piece of a story is conflict. There is no conflict here. The main character doesn't want to achieve any goal throughout the piece, nothing is getting in his ...

Pretty good. You've got a hold of your character and a logical progression of thought. Just a thought, though. A little nitpick for believability and consistency. I imagine he's supposed ...

This was well handled, with a confident hand. You have a firm picture of who Leonard is and you present his personality well enough. The film asides, though? I'll get ...

Very interesting take on the word "mortician." I dig it. The tone of the piece is noteworthy. Very world weary, ponderous, yet almost proud. I cannot be beautiful if no ...

This was indeed very good! It reads very much like a legend or a bedtime story, in the royal atmosphere, the quick cursory description of events (how quickly he grows, ...

There exists the tricky issue of going back and editing and adding more content. It's easy to repeat ideas or use too many words. Comments in red. ...The oncoming car ...

Is this a story? It's missing important parts of a story such as plot and conflict. Rather, it's something like a poem written in paragraphs. I guess I shall review ...

What is it with the story generator and doctors (or some otherwise highfalutin technical occupation)? Anyway. Spectacular. First paragraph: beautiful. It sets the mood instantly. The tone is so forlor

Of course, of course. I'll post some thoughts here. If you'd like to take it further, I suggest we take it to private messages so we don't keep bumping this ...