sargsauce

Rather interesting. It has a fairy tale ring to its tone. The mother shall be described as... The father of the house was a bespectacled A shining dove – Sparrow! ...

Abortion gets over dramatized, really. There's only pain behind it if 1) you're morally against it, but have to or 2) if you want the child, but there's 100% chance ...

That in turn led to 4 crashes total. Needless to say, I spent much of the time just ensuring that YWS continued to run! I like to imagine the website ...

I don't usually like to bump stories to reply to other comments and such, but I thought it was important enough to say. I understand there is humor, which is ...

Um... Cute little folktale kind of thing. Until the murdering happens. Then it just kind of spirals into a weird darkness. Your presentation is just fine. And the only thing ...

Take this and make it into a story. As it stands now, it's a very long, kinda bland monologue. The first paragraph is okay as it is because it serves ...

I can appreciate what you wanted to accomplish, but there some stumbling blocks. 1) It's very purple-prose-ish. "Purple prose" is a term "used to describe passages, or sometimes entire literary ...

You have a very good grasp on the character. I like that. What I don't like so much is that it's not really a story with a discernible struggle. Really, ...

Bro, don't listen to her (that sounded too familiar...that was weird). Lena, a story will be as long as a story needs to be; what matters is its draw. It's ...

You might want to post more. There is no story here, so there's nothing to critique. If anything, all I can say is that this intro goes on far too ...

Today Natalie should have come to work, but didn’t show up, and doesn’t pick up her phone. That last phrase needs rewording. "She should've come to work...and doesn't pick up ...

I'll just jump right in. (clouds block the sun from the earth; of course they cast shadows!) As mentioned in a previous post or two, the narrator is very solemn. ...

My thoughts continued to stray away from their intended track and I found myself on a thought that always left me dumbfounded when I thought about it. This sentence is ...

First off, thanks for reading and the very thoughtful review. It makes me feel special. Second, you are an extremely astute reader. Good job! I'll respond line by line here, ...

Removed for editing. Thanks for reading!