sargsauce

***

***

Well, I guess I'll come stand at the starting line with the rest of you. Good luck, break a leg, toi toi toi! P.S. in all honesty, I don't actually ...

Pretty entertaining! The wording is usually pretty good and the suspense is there in your sentence flow. However, there's a slight hiccup. I like the journal format (have you been ...

All right, I'll just jump in. Pardon me if I repeat; I only skimmed the other reviews. Elliot ran faster. Dog barks and shouts can be heard. Come on, man. ...

Pretty good. It's hard to decide how I feel about it overall, though, because there are flashes of maturity mixed in with flat writing. Let me give examples: Who knew ...

Not a poet, but I will more than likely give this a shot. I enjoyed some of what I came up with last year. I echo the same! Looking forward ...

There are forty four people with the last name Banana in the United States. It is ranked as the two hundred fifty eight thousand twenty sixth most popular surname in ...

Pretty interesting, and great visuals. I'm going to pick on your phrasing and word choice and overall theme, though. Long before I am alive enough to feel it, You open ...

Fantastic setting and mood. All I know is brick, smoke, and flashes of advanced technology. On the way back from the airport...Protected. Sanitised. You have nice words in this section. ...

First thing I noticed? You change tense repeatedly. In chronological order, you have: I looked outside I have already forgotten I looked outside Every night, I lie alone I wanted ...

This was pretty darn good. In the first section, you do a good job of showing us the narrator is a little weird, unstable, and a few cards short of ...

I'm going to give you some very large-picture pointers about how to make your writing more interesting. The numbered issues I address are ones that crop up repeatedly. 1) There's ...

Since the others have thoroughly critiqued the mechanics, I'm going to talk on a bit of a more abstract, higher plane. The mother is a pretty good character. She has ...

Defensive much? Relax. I'm not insulting you, but you seem to be insulting me. Don't post your works to a public literary forum for critiques if you're going to lash ...