sargsauce

Hmmmmmm............... This is a toughie. You waver between inspired and childish. The latter is understandable for your age, but still--the moments of inspiration build you up more than one expects..

First off: the semicolons ( ;

Haha! Nice twist. The trouble is, you take so long to get to the twist, that the entire time, the reader just thinks you're being juvenile and "emo"tional. You have ...

IKnowAll, you seem to have gotten the premise confused. The idea is Writer A suggests a name. Then Writer B writes about Writer A's suggested name. Then Writer B suggests ...

Hmm...this is a tough cookie. Your style is mature and thoughtful and I can definitely appreciate the goals you had in mind. However, you kind of overstuffed it, like making ...

You want grammar help? Heeeere I come! I looked at the dark sky as I lay down on the roof of my house, and thought of her. Misuse of a ...

It has a nice, light, airy kind of quality to it. My only gripe is that it's too straightforward. You speak of troubles and trials and difficulties, but we don't ...

In the past, I have criticized your short stories' metaphors because of their wandering nature and their lack of relevance. I have no such criticisms here. There is so much ...

Top 10 US States 1. California 2. Texas 3. Pennsylvania 4. New York 5. Ohio 6. Illinois 7. Michigan 8. Wisconsin 9. Washington 10. North Carolina REPRESENT! (just barely!)

Thank you, sir, for your kind words throughout! I agree with and will someday heed your suggestion. For now, poetry can go to hell.

This was pretty darned good. I can see what cC's talking about with the ending, though. It was kind of the easy way out. You're playing it safe. It takes ...

The story is kind of unbalanced. You spend probably more time and effort on Nerita's description and on her getting dressed than you do on the actual interaction between her ...

I just read your other one. You sure are on a eulogies-that-start-with-song-lyrics trip. You might want to try something different, because it becomes rather predictable. It effected everyone The verb

I read it. And when I finished, I chuckled and said, "FANTASTIC!" UGH! I love it when people write in the Victorian manner so convincingly. Victorian writing is so hilarious ...

First broken rule? Don't capitalize the seasons. It's just 'summer' and 'winter', unless you're referring to a particular thing like "Spring Semester" or something like that. Indeed, I agree with ...