sargsauce

"All happy families resemble one another; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolstoy I, unfortunately, am a cynic. While happiness may not be a muse ...

#5. Debriefing They dropped a 4,000 kilo payload on us at dawn. I spent 48 hours in the drink and listened to men die. They shut up 20 hours in, ...

#4. Displacement Ben was five pounds four ounces and never really gained much more than that. He smiled pretty pretty when my wife tickled his nose and coughed and shivered ...

#3. Married young She stretched nearly nude under the covers the cotton dangling limp across her familiar body and snored as the moon found her slatted, slanted, hot breath and ...

#2. You always go home alone The stars reel or maybe it’s my gait walking upward on clouds shifting underfoot like a Lilliputian microcosm and the telephone wires pull me ...

Was kinda looking forward to this a while ago, so I suppose I'll give it a whirl. It's doomed from the start, but so it goes. #1. Asinine She called ...

No, no. Don't do that. You can't delete a post after someone else has commented on it for reasons of decency and trackability. Just ask someone with a differently colored ...

Well, I hope this is just an introduction to something grander! I hope you someday get down to the nitty gritty details and flesh out a plot and characters and ...

Interesting idea, but not thought out or followed through or explored in depth. The wording is choppy and blocky and doesn't flow. It took some control whilst I was gone ...

The beginning was very promising. I was engaged by this family of 26 children and thought it amusing and I wanted to learn more. But then, as soon as she ...

I appreciate the attempt--you took your time, acted confidently, and kept your wits about you--but the piece is ultimately long winded and fails to explain enough to the reader. with ...

Pretty interesting and creepy! The ghost of one of Sam's famous parties I didn't really get this line...since when are boarded up windows a part of a party? I'm assuming ...

Not really a story. No plot or characterization or dialogue or motives. But, we'll discuss it as is. You seem to be trying to cram two different attitudes into here. ...

On a little more abstract and psychological point: Gauge the market. If the forum you intend to post in is flooded by pieces with 0 and 1 review counts that ...

Simple and to the point. Depending on the situation and intent, that could be meritorious. You switch tenses a few times. You begin in present tense, go to past tense, ...