phoenixwriter

Thanks for your helpful review! I'll try to do the same on your Chapter 1 Lymuria. I really appreciate it, and I'll change my story to fit your advice.

Chapter 4: Unexpected meeting On the other side of the door was a spectrum of colors, all shining brilliantly. Soon, the colors formed and melded into white light. It seemed ...

I have to applaud this chapter! This one is definitely a grabber! Shape-shifters are such a welcome change of topic. Nice dialogue! I love how you describe Sherry's "most intimidating ...

Wow! I will say that you had a great hook at the end of this chapter! I don't really have much to criticize with this chapter. I like how you ...

Very good! You are a very talented writer! Your dialogue is realistic, and you include little breaks when your characters pause. I like how smooth the speaking is between Gabriel ...

This is a pretty good chapter. I have a good feel of this character's personality. However, I'm just going to nitpick my way through some typos. Hope you don't mind. ...

This is a good, mysterious, you-know-you-wanna-read-more prologue, so excellent start! However, there is a small part that might need clarification. It's with pronouns. "He could not be pure with her ...

You're very good with small descriptions, I've noticed. However, maybe go in depth. What does the inside of the building look like? What does Brian look like? Has this boy ...

This is kinda short, and all I can say for now is: Well done. I like the descriptions you've written, and they're vividly shown. However, the boy. Why would he ...

Sorry to be a party-pooper, but the dialogue is a little confusing. Half the time, I am not quite sure who is speaking: Johnnie or Lee. Maybe try to make ...

Hi, Thanks for the review, but when you tell me to write more, do you want me to be more descriptive or to continue writing? A few pointers would be ...

I like the message of persevering and not giving up and appreciating love. This poem is slightly repetitive when it's a shorter poem. I like the repeating effect, but maybe ...

Very interesting indeed! What would be nice to add at the beginning is that "Johnnie" isn't alone, and death is not just one person. When I was reading the first ...

This is very good, first of all. I have to admit, I wrote my novel a while back too, but even then you were superior in your writing! I am ...

The title is good, for one. The chapter itself is also good. This is well-written. Though the beginning is a little slow and neutral, you finish it off with a ...