phantom_blackfire_wings

summer

I really like this, the language is great. :) Just be a little clearer on the POVs, kk? Keep writing, Risa

all of the mistakes (and more) were already found by shanan-cat, so I won't rattle on with details that you've already read :) I really liked this, at first I ...

I really like this piece. The language, in the words of Gryphon, drew me in. It flows really well too. I agree with the POVs, but I'll forgive you :) ...

I think this could be a decent story. If I had more time, I'd crit. this properly *sorry, I have food waiting too...sigh*

I really liked this piece. If i had the time and energy, I'd try to Crit. this better :) Seperating the different people's dialouge would make it eaisier to read. ...

***Sorry. I fixed it.****

doodle

granted. But you go and 'acciedentaly' kill someone and get thrown in jail. I wish i had wings.

YAY EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with stella on the confusion of the time period. This also need more emotion to really capture a reader. Otherwise, I really liked this story. Write on, Risa ...

Chapter Two (") A. The whole town knows it; you know how news travels round ere. B. we let you tell cuz it was quite funny, watching you waste your ...

Chapter Two "A. The whole town knows it; you know how news travels round ere. B. we let you tell cuz it was quite funny, watching you waste your breath. ...

I like this. Slight warning though, the 'mysterious air' has been done countless times (by myself included). Keep writing, Risa

Please enjoy and critique :D Chapter 1--I don't think I should be here... The rain was pouring. It wasn’t a thunderstorm, just a heavy rainfall. It wasn’t the best night ...