perdido

Rach: I want you to read chapter 3 and 4 and then tell me what you think about Vincent. I think things will be more clear then? If they still ...

here is chapter two. thanks for yeah CHAPTER TWO / Colorado 1. LORD, My body has been a good friend. Tony opened his eyes to sunlight. May was standing over ...

sucked on the pillow like a teat? Does he think its a marshmallow? Please. Mostly I think you'd benefit from condensation. I don't understand the Drake reference. Other then that ...

cliche: learn to avoid it. This piece is literally devoid of all sensory detail. I think that is what you should focus on when writing new pieces: sensory detail, lines ...

okay, so: This is my novel(la), it is tentatively titled: Carry Me. The first part is titled "I-70, I-76, I I-80" I haven't decided whether or not there's going to ...

preachy and forgettable. there are some nice moments, like the pudding cup thing, but other then that, I'd start over. I want more sensory details, less outright DRAMA. That's boring, ...

hmmmmmmm. Seems like some sort of exercise in word-pairing. Here are a few: memory-lights: I didn't like this (especially because the word before it is 'antiquated' retrospect-clouds: This was better ...

A good attempt, but you sink yourself with too many unnecessary words... and some poor word choices. I think its too long, you should condense, or focus on things that ...

I got 20 and I feel pretty satisfied, I think I got some good ideas and material out there, thanks everyone :)

Oh look, a retelling of a myth in (almost) epic poem format with (struggling) meter and (somewhat forced) rhyme. Like an acoustic cover of Bob Dylan, this lacks imagination. Also, ...

This is okay. I mean what you've done here is novel, but it just isn't that interesting. I think you'd need some more... like why does this matter. Whose handwriting ...

I don't like the questions, they don't work. The sensory detail is sparse but what there is, is harsh. Its harsh, burning light. It just seems cliche to me. Lovers ...

the strongest part of this is the last line, this poem is worth fixing just for that. but literally nothing else worked for me. I found the angels boring, the ...

too much needless punctuation . I'm glad you focus on imagery, that's good but as it stands the piece flows terribly and its in part because of the punctuation. Restructure ...

this poem reminds me of Kansas lyrics. I think your best tool for revision will be condensation. The whole "he fears not this, he fears not that," thing is a ...