patatopie

I'm not good at nitpicking, so I don't really have much constructive criticism, but over all, the main problem was the lack of consistency in the rhyming scheme and flow. ...

sorry about how much of it was descriptive, it was done for school work as a descriptive passage, and I just carried it on at home.

The cold air battered my skin as I rushed through the empty field. Small birds of mysterious colours darted up and down through the drifty breeze, freezing silence cursing my ...

It is a really good poem, and has a good use of repetition which can be quite hard to use, and is often a bit of a wrisk. The topic ...

Firstly, it is good, and don't take the criticism too harshly. Firstly, some of your better language seemed kind of forced, the type of things you need to watch out ...

thanks a lot, you have helped loads, but I think a few of your problems with this work can be traded for one bigger one. The first stanza is meant ...

I just thought of this in the shower, and want to improve it. So I thought I'd post it. I loved you and you loved me, But at a massive ...

I'm not really sure if this is in the right category- if it isn't just tell me. Why does our life have to follow this path, Where the silent scream, ...

A lovely poem with some real voice behind it. One thats short enogh to not dragg on relative to its subject, but not too short as for it to not ...

Brilliant... a great example of how a poem can interact, not just be a set piece of writing. It also allowed a good understanding of the voice you where putting ...

Eternity. Eternal is a fearful word, But I beg for my infinity, To reach it would just be absurd- The real unfinished symphony, That hat has no start and has ...

I'm no expert so I can't give you any major advice but I'll have a go. For starters, it is a nice little subject, and your poetic voice makes it ...

some brilliant wording there, i love the way it is just there in front of you, easy to understand despite a lot of very deep sections, and some really nice ...

When I found you, I lost myself, I give you love ,But none comes back, You still stand there, Upon my shelf, Although my hopes, Are tainted black, Our friendship ...

A nice original idea, and looks stunning. And it has dose have a nice kind of sound effect, a kind of ticking motion. The only real problem, is that you ...