oneeyedunicornhunter

ha! there's only one way to get away with info-dumping: make it funny! and you did it. i have to say, those names were funny (my favorite was Shagumol HAHAHAHA), ...

wow...i'm sorry, but that is just...lame. there was virtually no flow, the whole thing was a jumbled mess of questions, and overeasy was right--you really have to make this less...gunky. ...

"No one answered. The soldiers exchanged glances, while Lily, out of the corner of her eye, saw a house getting burnt. " instead of 'a house getting burnt', perhaps you ...

have to say, as i started reading this, it seemed a bit bumpy. the rythm was hard to get into, and the rhyming seemed forced(and it pains me to say ...

wow..this was really good. only two things for me to comment on: 1)if your going to rhyme, it REALLY helps to have a rhyme scheme. you almost had one here, ...

nice beginning, really grabbed my attention! "I now possessed human hands."-- my eyes burned when i read this! its a simple mistake, easily fixed, but PLEASE make sure your tense ...

i like the metaphors, but that's about all i see going for this poem. you're could use some work :p still, i like what it was about. maybe instead of ...

i appreciate you guys replying to my poem, and i hate to be a critique-beggar, but would you mind being a little more thorough? i'd really appreciate it. thanks!

drowning pool is a band...not really sure what genre they are, but i call them 'metal gone bad'...let the bodies hit the floor is their most popular song(it's certainly the ...

"In my head eclectic voices cry," shouldn't it be 'electric'? "Folly to not know't as blunder," don't see that contraction every day..i would cange it to 'know it'. i think ...

i'll agree with leja on this one. what does love have to do with success? or maybe you're talking about succeeding in finding love? i think if you made this ...

--

well, my attention was grabbed and you didn't bore me, so as far as that goes it's all good. you had some grammatical errors, but if you went back i'm ...

i can't really say i liked what this poem was saying very much, as a former catholic(now an atheist)... as for conventions, they were mediocre, but that can be improved. ...

i'm afraid i'm going to have to be pretty critical was good, but there were some things that screamed "WRONG!" at me. Of my own self conscious(shouldn't it be consciousNESS?) ...