onceuponatim3xo

This was really good! I love your descriptions :D Nit-pickiness: “I understand that you didn’t really want to come over last time, but I figured it’s only because you didn’t ...

This was really good, but I have some suggestions: Merlyn seems a lot different in this chapter than in chapter one. Before, you said that he was "scaredy-cat" but in ...

Great job! :D All right, onto the crit: Its red light burned with an internal fire. How is there a red light? Is it being emitted from the medallion? If ...

All right, so here goes: closed her eyes briefly. [s]It was a useless reflex, and she knew it.[/s] What was a useless reflex, her closing her eyes? This sentence is ...

Hey, I edited the prologue a bit and merged it into chapter one here:

awesome, thanks! I'll try to clear that up :)

Hmmm.... either Amanda or Elizabeth - it's a tie Hobbies: Writing obviously, reading, and swimming occasionally Place: Michigan General Attitude: Very happy, always smiling, loves to laugh

Hey gyrfalcon, I would be extremely grateful if you could review Eyes of the Empire for me. Please be as brutal as you want with it, I really want it ...

Now, the kind of vamp story that you (or some else besides LittleB) might write would probably be cliche. But not all vamp stories have to be cliche. That's just ...

So, if you've read the prologue to Eyes of the Empire, you'll notice that I merged it in with chapter one. I hope you like it! :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I unsheathed ...

Okay, I'm assuming this is where you changed it :) I watched him go, the sun slipping behind his head as he vanished. I was bored and the swings squeaked. ...

Username: 70% Signature: 100% Custom Title: 0% (Don't have one) Avatar: 75% Country: 90% Overall: I have no idea...

That was extremely good! I laughed at the part about Jesus being too supportive. I did spot one thing: filled with men and wom e n surrounding a raised dais ...

Good job, I really liked this! Before potions, professors, This would sound much better as "Before potions and professors" Before the beginning, But till the end, I really, really like ...

I studied my surroundings yet there was nothing to study. This sentence is a tad contradictory, try "I studied my surroundings, yet there was nothing to look at". It was ...