number32

Punctuation, especially in the dialogue, needs to be worked on. I was particularly interested in this part, so I think I'll talk about that: “Don’t you dare lay a finger ...

How about if the removers van had these measurements; Unit Size: 10 x 30 x 10 Area (Square ft): 300 Cubic Feet: 3000

How many people can fit into a truck? Y'know those kind of house-moving trucks? ^^'

Muslim! *high fives*

It sounds pretty interesting, although I'm not sure about what's going to happen next! That 9-year-old sounds much older than she is, maybe making the narrative slightly more child-like? Although, ...

Just want to say: I'm obviously going to be having many more drafts after this and posting this up will help me rewrite. I understand there's probably quite a lot ...

I love, love, love it! Immediately I've connected with Gemma and feel for her. Yeah, might need a little more detail but still amazing. I really want to read more ...

That is really beautiful! A few capitals missed out and I think you could create a better atmosphere of the cafe, maybe by adding more smells?

I'm absolutely terrible at writing poetry and am much a prose person. I've started countless 'novels' and stories but then get bored and leave them. Most of them are fantasy/adventure ...

Again, the description is beautiful; I can really picture the countryside in my head. I still can't connect with midnight too well, perhaps as the story progresses even further it ...

It's written really well but I couldn't connect with Midnight very well. I think you didn't describe her PERSONALITY enough, it might be because it's only the start of the ...

Hello! I've always loved writing, and decided that it's be a good idea if I joined a forum to post my work on. With the aid of Google, I found ...