nickelodeon

Well that certainly caught my attention. Mostly, i like this story because its something totally different and weird, but anyone can relate to it. (even if they didn't talk to ...

I thought it was really good. I can picture what Hannah is like when she's playing. You described it really well. I liked how "I" turned out to be Jeremy, ...

"During some lunch hours, he hangs out with shady looking youth underneath the stairwell." This is the only sentence that didn't seem to fit (in my opinion at least.) I ...

This had an interesting setting. I wasn't sure who was doing the speaking in the first paragraph. When you change speakers, start a new paragraph. (If the speaker didn't change ...

You did a good job of conveying an image. I can pretty much picture the scene. (It reminds me a lot of the movie, Mulan, for some reason.) You had ...

Disappear The couch wrapped her in a comfy embrace. It snuggled against her bare shoulders. With her legs curled beneath her, and her long hair splayed across the armrest, she ...

It's not really the kind of story that will stick with me, but when really enjoyed it while i was reading it. I don't know if that's what you're going ...

It was interesting. Definitely not like anything else i've ever read, which is why it caught my attention. (That's good!) Moving on to SUGGESTIONS! Make it flow better! You are ...

Ok, this story definitely has possibilities, but i agree with the majority of your other critiques. It really needs to be proofread and edited. Grammar, writing technicalities, etc., aside... Right ...

The Seed of Spite “Too lenient, sir, you’re far too lenient with these monsters. Certainly they don’t deserve these wondrous toys!” “Ho Ho Ho!” His beard shook and his stomach ...

Wow. That was really good. "But who I have become finds the sacrifice too much." At first, this line confused me. Then i read it again, and it made sense. ...

Ok, i think it's pretty good! its deep, not a silly little fun story. I really like the... analogy, i guess you'd say... of conscience and pinprick. Very creative, very ...

Thanks for the critiques. Actually, i have never been to Spain and the Spanish program at my school is a joke. So this is all very encouraging actually. thanks! =)

Spanish Dance It was like a perfectly coordinated dance: the bobbing and weaving of carts and shoppers, the friendly greetings, and the words, each flowing and spinning and dancing around ...

"in the bitter Monday daybreak;" This line bugged me. MonDAY DAY break seemed sort of repetitive. Maybe you could reword to have it flow better. It really made me think ...