niccy_v

A good story. Lots to improve on but hey this is why you're giving it to us to critique. I like where this story is going, but descriptions can be ...

A very good story. But a few ideas -introduce the brother in a kind of prologue where he is alive maybe six months before the accident, even the day before. ...

[quote="fallenangel"] Despite their responsibilities—despite any honor and dedication they had once before found themselves bound to, they realized it was nothing. Nothing mattered without the other

Nothing really that hasn't been picked up earlier. It's mainly the simple bits like words (in, on) and punctuation but other than that i am going straight to the third ...

Usually defence even with sport because defence, if you look at synonyms they're protection, guard, security, cover... which is generally applied to sport positions too. Defense is not wrong but ...