niccy_v

Overall i love this story! It;s got dramatic scenes and brilliant imagery. - Watch out for the repetition of flames/fire. It's said so many times i wanted to just scribble ...

Mine's a kind of series... well there's half 1 and half 2 which i haven't broken down into chapters yet. Take a look:

Hey all. I'm 16 and i live in a pretty dead-end place called Australia. For those who live in wonderful countries like England or France or Italy or Canada or ...

damn mine's sort of ... romance with a thousand things thrown in. If you want to look (high school drama just a tad...haha) in here: if that works.

Please can you just review the first 2? Seperately is way easier than combining it as some have done. Because then you don't bother with over half and that kind ...

I decided to wait for a while before i continued with this. I've asked heaps of people to crit - waiting for them on the first 2 before i re-upload ...

Part 2... The second half of the original part one i uploaded.

Anybody?

Great, it's getting much better. You're lacking emotion and proper descriptions. Use that brain of yours and show off how intelligent you are by flaunting a quality vocab. I hate ...

It also lacks emotion that is essential to the storyline. The characters have minimul emotion, and there is a lot going on in her head, but i can't really imagine ...

This is good. Very believable, but you really need more depth, more oomph. It's so bare and empty as a story, and if it was to be made into a ...

That's a good start. I tried fixing up your beginning, but it really needs work. The easiest way to begin is to place yourself in her shoes, and think 'what ...

After read/edit Well, it has good basic ideas. Now you just need to sit back, calm yourself down, and write. The story is so filled with jumbled up space things ...

Well It's a great story, that's for sure. It does get a little boring here and there but that's fine, most stories are. Her reasons for not trusting Jason are ...

Thankyou for all who have critiqued. Now go to Scars That Don't Heal for the recently re-written kind of version. :)