napalmerski

Yo, to disagree slightly with another reviewer - this chapter starts perfectly. It doesn't need a hook - the hook is in the prologue. It worked on the reader, hooked ...

The novel is finished, at least for now. On January I'll have to add at least another 7-8 thousand words, tucked in here and there, to approach the minimum standard ...

Yo, I must say, the plot develops at breakneck speed! Figuratively and literaly hehe. Obviously this is the near future on Earth or an Earth-like planet. Perhaps I am prejudiced ...

A very abrupt beginning, what can I say? It could go anywhere from here, but you absolutely must beef it up with descriptions, thoughts, with style in general. Otherwise it ...

Yo! An intriguing begging! Since 27 is killed of so early, either a ressurection awaits as, or a revenge or something. And we are also to find out whether this ...

Yo, a very nice beginning, feels like a modern fairy-tale, which no doubt is part of your intent. I was half expecting the evil old woman to offer someone an ...

Yo! It's a nice beginning. Others have already pointed out some issues concering technique, I'd only like to point out the word 'okey'. Unless the narataror is someone like us, ...

Yo! Just to say, that this is a very very good beginning. Good matter of fact descriptions laced with a little humor here and there, sounds almost pro. Also the ...

Yo, The young reader tends to go with the flow of the narrative, and identy himself/herself with the main protagonist, and take things at face value. In a baby-talk narrative, ...

Yo, very very good begining! What strikes me imediately, is that almost nowhere does it feel as if you rushed things. Apart from her going to sleep and waking up:) ...

Yo! Here is a sentence - Glaring up at the harsh cerulean sky, shading his glinting emerald eyes, he gauged the time . - It's just right. Just right. For ...

Yo, just read the thing. First - you have a well stocked vocabulary, and attention to detail. Second - if there is a plot, which will unfold concerning Felix's gradnpa ...

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Hi everyone, this rough draft for a dystopian future novel is now READY!! WHOHOOO! It's 3/4 ready. Well, 2/3 anyway CONTENT WARNING - VERY VERY ADULT, DO NOT READ IF ...