mtempleton

This is interesting. A couple of basic things. Don't use so much ellipsis, it's kinda cheesy. Also, when Kingsley asks "any wises or ideas for the future," what is a ...

The last is my favourite! The light is great and I don't think you need to trim it at all. I think you need to work on the first two ...

It looks really good! I totally understand about the wonky body parts - I do the same thing especially with feet. You should be proud of this. All the toes ...

I like this. It has a really nice feel. I was unsure of the very opening at first "snow is flaking" but now it just sounds right. One thing I ...

Hi! What you have here is pretty good. i want to know what happens next. I have a few pointers though. You have a major grammar error early on, "the ...

A piano is a cheat instrument. That’s not to say that it isn’t difficult to get right, it’s just a hell of a lot safer than the string section of ...

I love it! as had been said, peepholes is just the perfect word. The one thing I would say is that the ling "healing aura of the glow" sounds a ...

This is really good. Its simple and poignant which I guess is what you were going for. The rhythm is nice and the rhyme doesn't sound forced or cheesy in ...

Hi. This is an extract, not a short story. Even posting the whole of chapter one would exceed the word count. Sorry it doesn't really come to an end but ...

How sad to leave a comment on my own story. I made the changes suggested in the critique. Thanks for your help and opinions. I bow in shame for leaving ...

This is what I dreamt on the 21st of August. The time is 2:28 and I feel more than a little hazy around the edges. I need a drink. My ...

I'm liking this so far - lots of tension. I'm intrigued rather than confused so its a good opening. I think there are a couple of typos though. I'm pretty ...

Give me more! Loving this as an opening. You've drawn me in completely. A couple of things though. I loathe and detest rhetorical question. When you use "what had it ...

Again, i agree! This is one of those great stories that you can just write because you wanted to then sit back and watch as everyone else does the analysis. ...

Cara Hart had survived ordeals in her life, but nothing like this. She slipped down the door of her childhood bedroom as though she had just been run through and ...