miyaviloves

Im not posting this as an edit as there is a lot, please read :D ************************************************************* Yori made his way down the busy London Street. Even after years of living

hmm i think you could improve on this, it dosent seem to have much to it. If you build it up more, give it more emotion it could work, its ...

This is good however its very cliche. Many other poems on YWS have something along the same lines as this, maybe try creating something slightly more original? Miyaviloves

I agree that the opening is a little cliche. But what isnt nowadays? Still i liked this, of course it could use some work, like your descriptions could use a ...

Oh right i see lol, the only reason i know like...maybe everything (eee) about bigbrother is because whenever it is on i get obsessed. Will you be posting more of ...

Right i have completley re-written this, from top to bottom! So its now completly different. I'm going to post it asap, and i welcome reviews!

Thanks for your comment and no not too harsh atall! Thats what i post it for, for feedback, all is helpful to me! Thanks for pointing out my punctation, i ...

“If you think for one minute that I’m gonna accept that feeble excuse for not going out with us tonight you have another thing coming” Ryan said in his forceful ...

Yori made his way down the busy London Street. Even after years of living in the busy capital of England he still found it strange how every person seemed to ...

Im now currently re-writing and doing more of 'Studio 309' and will be posted soon, hopefully later today, thankyou for your advice!

Hmm..this is good but, it dosent seem to have the emotions involved that it requires? I think you could make this much more powerful with a bit more work :)

Yeah i agfree with all the above comments, this is such a good/cute poem! It made me smile, and not many peices of writing actually get a genuine smile from ...

This is really good, and i love it! I only think that this line: "Start with your cool lips lightly on my collarbone." seem to not really fit werll with ...

Welcome to YWS! This is a loevly first peice, although (I know its already been said) a bit short, but well done, a nice read.

Anway, i forgot to say i really like this poem :D