miyaviloves

yay I'm onto part three :D Hmm...Speak of the devil... Jamie was sitting on the couch, staring at-but not seeing- the television. Her mother was in the kitchen. A noise ...

ok here we go :D below. making her unable -Should be a capital M or is it supposed to be a comma there? Reading it now it dosen't make sense... ...

Taken down due to publishing

Lol, ok, um i think you should write more of this, it was good, and i know you said that it was something that really happened, but couldnt his maybe ...

OK, i answered your poll to 'needs work' I like this poem, but I dunno...i think that you could make it much better by adding more imagery maybe? Gone in ...

I like your poetry, its unique and you use such effective imagery. I think that Mad has pointed out what needs to be, but other than that, i loved this, ...

I agree with Clau, its too short to really scare the reader, and i think you can do this more effecitvly. Meevs

This is really sweet, it reminds me of something my friend is writing at the moment. Very sweet, will you be writing anymore of it? Meevs x

I love this sooo much, poor Kyle, I hope he gets Nicholas back for hitting him. I'm just waiting for the dont scream thing to load now *waits* Meevs x

Ireally love your writing style (As Sam has already said) and like i said in your frist one, i like how it goes from the story to like bing talked ...

All finished with my editing now :D And handed in all of this so far to my teacher for my portfolio *gets nervous*. Thanks for reading this and helping me ...

Oops i didnt mean for it to be in italics, its fixed now :D

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