mikedb1492

Just so you know, I didn't read the other reviews since I'm too lazy to do so... Anyway, pardon any repeating on my part. “Where did that come from?” he ...

Didn’t know that the person on that bike would save my life. Put "I didn't know" at the beginning instead of just "Didn't know". The sunlight broke through the window, ...

“Hi, Billy. Hey, what are you going to dress up as for Halloween this year?” Stephen replied. Since it's already implied who's talking by the preceding sentences, it's unnecessary for ...

Wow, you just made my day. It was so random, but in a good way. WHY ARE WE YELLING? WE'RE NOT. WE'RE JUST TALKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. That has to ...

This was actually pretty good for your first story, as you called it. Your style is pretty good and I really liked the way you ended it with "There’s only ...

Actually, I thought Nic was a girl at first (i don't remember why, though... Something in your writing), but I have a guy cousin named Nick, so I guess anything ...

I stared down at my drink for a moment more, before lifting my head and returning her glare. You shouldn't need the comma. The demon had stood, but when she ...

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” Like lostindreamland said, great opener. I'm immediately hooked. Amusement tugged at the corners of his lips, then progressed into a clown-like smile. ...

This was pretty good. The dialogue, most of the time, seemed real enough and the people all stayed in character. It was also a story that I finished reading because ...

The boy had no idea what the soft, grainy stuff that scratched his skin was, but it certainly wasn’t [s]be[/s] his bed. staring at the little white sheet-looking thing Replace ...

which is why the storyteller sat on a stump outside the blacksmiths' often, where Laurence was apprenticed. This would flow better if you take the word 'often' and move it ...

Hey, Jessica B. I'm glad you got a name figured out for this. 'Untitled' wasn't quite as good... Anyway, I didn't read the other reviews, so, like last time, pardon ...

Wow. This is the sweetest thing since sliced bread. I love the lush green color and how in each droplet you can see a something. I think in that one ...

Just so you know, even one of your chapters is considered a little long for a post, so all three is way too much. I'd suggest you just put chapter ...

Alright. I can see what you mean, so I took the pic back into and did a few changes such as making it duller, improved the blending and messed around ...