mikedb1492

Well... It was okay, but I think it would have been better if you would have taken more time with it. It was just so short. Besides, she was just ...

She's just looking out at the stars. Forgotten in her left hand, a light-stylus glows a forlorn green. I loved the second sentence, but I'm not a fan of the ...

Since you're new here, you probably wouldn't know this. First off, you need to review at least two other people's writings for everything you post your own work, so you ...

War raged across Heiligtum but the Dwarves, in their mountainous halls, Comma after "Heiligtum". In their homeland Khaz’ar-Tal the Dwarves lived in peace, their leader a strong and fair man ...

Kyle sat in the front seat next to his brother who was impatiently drumming on the dashboard, Comma after "brother". Also, I'd personally use "tapping" instead of "drumming" since drumming ...

Before we get started, I've got to tell you something. Since you're new here, you wouldn't know about this unless you went through the rules, so no harm no foul. ...

The grass looks so green it looks almost fake. And not chemically-engineered fake, but straight-out-of-a-painting fake. The idea you're trying to get across at this point of the story is ...

I can't give you much of a review right now (homework, gotta love it) but there's one thing.... What happened to his friend. I did mention when he left, as ...

This was part two, but just to make things easier, I recently put both parts in the first post.

Thanks for the reviews so far. I've fixed the ma'am thing (I always forget that one...). I'm glad you all liked it, and the next part should be up before ...

Blaine crouched, legs cramped, back bent, concealed in the undergrowth I think you should ditch the "legs cramped" part. For a second, I literally thought he had a leg cramp. ...

Obsidian Blue Striker and him had made their way through Krondel with haste Please tell me your not going to call the Krelt the Obsidian Blue Striker every time? When ...

Videthal sprinted between the many gray brick houses of Krondel, his blue cape whirling wildly behind him. I wouldn't use "whirling" here. It just doesn't remind me of a flapping ...

With the constant ticking in the background. The disturbing quiet that’s just so freaking loud. The pale walls and windows bolted down. When you use periods it always makes the ...

First off, I have to say that the whole portal to hell thing just seems a little overdone in my opinion. It's the main point of the doom video game ...