mikedb1492

First things first, I like the story, and I think you've got a good thing going here. With that said, I have to tell you that you've got some work ...

Alright, let's get started. First off, the prologue was too short in my opinion. You only showed us a small part the story that that one dude was reading to ...

This was an decent prologue in my opinion. It had action and was well described so it kept me entertained and curious as to what would happen. I like the ...

Hey, I'm Mike and I'm here to review you. There were dozens of them, softly pulsing in many different colors. Change the phrase 'in many different colors' to something like ...

The little mermaid! The real one! She can be a really depressed emo type that doesn't speak... Funny thing, you calling the little mermaid an emo, because in the original ...

1) What do you think? Any good? It was pretty cool. It was descriptive and well written. 2) a. If this was the beginning of a novel, would you find ...

All I can say about this is 'wow'. This was really well written and left you with a weird, creepy feeling. I really liked it even though it was a ...

Hm, interesting story. I liked it. I noticed that the white caps on the waves reminded me of wild horses galloping, their manes flying in the breeze, I like this ...

Nice, man, nice. It was a little hard for me to follow at times because of his extremely bad grammar, but I know it was meant to be like that. ...

..... So they're both guys? And one asked for the others number? Weird. "OMG! Can I have ur #?" Don't use acronyms and symbols it makes your work look unprofessional..... ...

She only turned from the window and sat at the table where she had helped craft the spell that would massacre the city. The other guy talked about this being ...

Here's part two. The cab pulled up to the auction house, jerking to a stop as the old brakes struggled. Gabriel nearly fell forward, his trilby hat flying up into ...

Holy crap. Those are really good. I couldn't ever do that. I really like the Atlanta Falcons one and the Mountain Dew one too. I truthfully can't give any constructive ...

Hey everyone. Here's chapter two of my story. I'll post the first half now since I'm not done revising the second part. Enjoy.... hopefully. Chapter 2: London “So that’s what ...

Thanks for the reviews. I took what you said and I think fixed it all. I did my best to get rid of the info dumps, and I changed the ...