mikedb1492

...whose lesser wealth had forced her to labor to run her own household. Put a comma after labor. Enraged, his whole body shook he slowly sat down. 'Enraged, his whole ...

A breeze wandered through the air, as the last fractured rays of light brushed against the wizard’s cloak. You don't need the comma. intricately patterned runes which swept across silky ...

Thanks for the critiques. I fixed what you said, or at least I think I did. I'm not so sure if the new beginning is enough of an attention grabber, ...

Her mirror showed that she was tired, and in no place to be seen in front of her father. Instead of that first part, explain more what she looks like. ...

Meet Cornelia Schmeltenburg. Cornelia is a tall, chubby girl with a boy’s... Start the second sentence with 'she'. We already know who you're talking about so her actual name is ...

Put a space between each paragraph and I'll review it.

I think its perfectly understandable. If I had a sister like that I'd do the same thing. I do hope you'll add the wrest of your story, but if you ...

I personally didn't think it was the best picture, but it was pretty good. You're a better photographer than me, I'll give you that. Overall it was a nice picture.

I know that a lot of people wouldn't like this on account of the gore and violence, but in my opinion it was a work of art. Even if it ...

Well.... I don't have much to say. It was too short for me to make much of a critique, but from what I read, I can tell you that you ...

Dang this was pretty cool. Sounds like a real Hell. So is this like a falling star or something? Anyways, I really liked it.

SLAM! She closed the door with the sound of her door smashing into the frame. I think this is worded weirdly. I'd say: 'SLAM! She threw the door closed, smashing ...

Alright, let's get started, shall we? There were two pillows and three throw pillows stacked neatly on top of each other. Why did you separate the pillows into groups? Are ...

I decided to make this chapter shorter than the others just recently, so this parts really short. I'll be adding some of my previous post to this so its a ...

I know that JFW1415 already gave you a great critique, but I don't want to take the time to read it. So if I get some of the same things ...