mikedb1492

Thanks for the reviews everyone. Yah, I had a bad feeling about that beginning. I knew that this prologue had little or no action, so I wanted to somehow make ...

Hello everyone. This is the prologue to my story wasteland, where the world's largest particle accelerator malfunctions and creates a hell on earth for the generations to come. Prologue: Lenard ...

For the time I've been here at YWS, I've noticed time and time again that people have trouble with reducing the redundancy of the word 'said'. Whether they say he ...

I agree with OverEasy in the fact that this was more of a blurb than anything. Now to the review. 1) You definitely need to space this thing out more ...

Fog walked slowly through the small town, so thick you could cut it with a knife. I liked this except for the word 'walked'. It just doesn't fit fog very ...

I really like this. It's something that's nice to look at. The shading and everything was just done right. Good job. And I think the background is fine. A simple ...

‘Janus, what’s that I can smell on your breath?’ Janus grinned at his Lieutenant. ‘Spearmint chewing gum, sir. You want one?’ Perfect. I like the way you did this. A ...

Two youths leapt from the boat and began to tie it off as the girl, man, and a woman moved along the shore, taking in the surroundings. Put the word ...

It didn’t work, it kept going out. Use a period instead of a comma. So I look around, and there It's 'looked' not 'look'. You have to stay past tense. ...

“What is with men and boys and battles? Just say "What is with men and battles?" You do this because saying 'men' implies all of the male sex and it ...

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I thought to myself with a sense of dread . I personally wouldn't capitalize those first words. Also, use a comma instead of a period ...

This was okay with decent descriptions, but it didn't seem to have much point. And I don't think a jedi, or former jedi, would encourage people to try using his ...

He felt a strange trill of power as the wand recognised a new owner and... I actually think 'trill' works well enough here. Great job. Very action filled, and your ...

I sat up and recognizing the voices as my parents, I yelled back, Use a period instead of a comma after 'parents'. “How did that dog get in here??? Only ...

Watching her with disdain he erased every hint of kindness from his pale features Put a comma after 'disdain'. The smile vanished off Roger Moneros face as thought I think ...