mikedb1492

Hey, this is my first post in a while, but I don't think my writing has dulled so I hope it turns out well. Since I have a habit of ...

Okay, not bad. The main problem you had was that you didn't describe anyone or anything. You just told us what happened. Also, even though the abbreviations like 'cya' and ...

She wore a green and red nylon suit, and here hair was disorderly. While you're at it throw in her hair color. Just for that little extra. I might even ...

Like the other people said, the first paragraph was pretty iffy, and this could become an interesting story. Sorry I can't give you much advice, but it was pretty short. ...

"I do not understand child...Lord Armas wishes to speak with you - you've been selected as our Champion for the Tournament...I fail to see any flaws in such a miracle ...

I think this was really good. Your description were nice and I felt uncomfortable when you talked about the bugs crawling into them (Ever since I saw that bug pit ...

It seems like forever until they finally reach the moose and (the wolf that was in head of the other) leaps out at it with his claws outstretched and his ...

Wow, that was pretty good. Great job. You descriptions were good and so were the thoughts. I usually don't like any works when it's in present tense, but I actually ...

She ran though the forest at top speed. The green, mossy plants rushed by her as out stretched branches whacked her in the face. She was running. Running as fast ...

He felt a bit nervous not knowing what was about to happen next as they continued to... Okay, the other guy caught this in a few other spots, but I'm ...

"Kill him! Kill him now!" Hawkshire squeaked. I wouldn't use squeaked. After all that serious stuff you have someone squeak out a word. It just ruins the moment. I'd say ...

Hey, welcome to YWS, but just so you know, you need to review at least 2 other people's writing before you're allowed to post your own stuff. In other words ...

The little boy was wearing a white sleepsuit and a pair of mittens, so he didn't scratch himself. The word in bold should be wouldn't. The walls were baby blue ...

Truthfully I found the beginning a little weak, but later on I began to be drawn in. Like thebadthing said, the humor of what your father did kept me interested ...

They were more excepting of what was soon to come than I was. You mean 'accepting' not 'excepting'. "Yeah, he's a keeper," I said, sighing. Just to simplify this, put ...