mikedb1492

Just so you know, you don't need to refer to Jaden as 'the boy with the bronze sword'. Just call him Jaden, and just call the eight year old Ben. ...

Since you're new to YWS, you probably don't know this. But before you post your own work you have to review two other people's writings. In the end, your review ...

I liked this one. It was also interesting to read it in such a newspaper-like format. It felt like a very real article, to me, but then again I don't ...

This was pretty good. Although it wasn't that long, It seems like an interesting beginning to a fantasy story. The only thing I really have to say is that I ...

I just thought of something. Have you ever read the manga .Hack: Legend of Twilight? Because there are a lot of similarities. 1: The two main characters are brother and ...

Even if you wrote this before we reviewed the previous chapter, you should still go back through it and modify it so it's as good as it can be. Just ...

Looking into the mirror he could see his character wearing leather armor that consisted of a vest, gloves and boots. I wouldn't say 'that consisted of'. You just don't see ...

You know, I was just thinking about how every time I go into the historical fiction section, there's always something about WW1 or 2, something from colonial times, or whatever. ...

Below, when the first drop hit, the precious ducks of Mallard looked around. Deciding whither or not it would be safe to stay out. You need a comma after 'around', ...

Alright, here's the continuation of chapter 1. I tried to follow all the advice from the previous part, but I guess we'll see. And as a side note. If you ...

First off, I agree with the others when they say not to use 'walking the plank'. One, because it's a cliche. Two, because it actually never was a pirate punishment. ...

I did kiss him, after all. But, we’re interrupted. By the constant chatter of those who fought and lost someone or several someones. The contraction we're means we are. So ...

If it were up to her she’s grab a You need she'd not she's. Other than that I just have to say you told me more than you showed me. ...

Alright, I think I fixed what you said, but the main reason I'm posting is to say that I also added a little bit to tell what Niles is actually ...

Thanks for the reviews so far. You both made good points, and I hope I fixed everything. The biggest change was the flashback story. I also added a few things ...