mateeah3

Wow, the was... intense. Poor baby. It was sure a shock when for me when the baby died so suddenely... anyyyways, I have some suggestions. “Shh,” Sylilia replied and motherly ...

I thought this was very cute and well-written. :) Everything there is to fix looks like it has been already. Is this a series? If so, I'm looking forward to ...

Maybe a bit more details, that is my only suggestion, it all kind of happened quick. I was also walking my extremely bouncy fifty pound ball of obese puppy fur ...

This is extremely cute! :) Good job, I love it. :) Oh, and I agree with Sohini, Wet Flowers is really a perfect title. Plus it caught my attention. Kudos ...

Oh my. I agree, your friend is going, or did, cry his/her eyes out. You are extremely good at writing poetry! With fantastic words. I can relate to every word ...

Wow. All I can say is wow. Like others have said, your rhymes are fabulous. Whenever I try to rhyme, it makes my poems pretty lame because it doesn't even ...

Ooooh best books ever. :) I really liked this poem. It fits really well with the story, and my only critism is when you said "Ago" as one line, it ...

Past the broken window, Seeing into empty halls, Shadows of the past are leaking in. Again... Curses of the incognito, Chasing into the parks. We have gotten closer, To completly ...

I agree with ChernobyllyInclined that the story needs to be more developed before he acually leaves. You're going a bit fast, just slow down, and add some more description, and ...

Very nice. I liked it a lot, your writing has good flow. I liked all your similies too. When I first got a clue that Jason was dead was when ...

Ohhhh. Headacheeee....

I dug this up from my documents and cleaned it up a little. I can't decide if it is very strong. Friendship The days that would be lonely Sitting all ...

Dang, I haven't been on in awhile and I checked to see you if had posted another chapter of Shotgun and I forgot I had already read this one and ...

Thanks everyone for the comments :) I am thinking to how I could add more feelings to this, but maybe it is a kind of feeling-less topic in the beginning? ...

*ugh! this is painful to read a couple years later!! I'm not gonna delete it though... :x I took out some things based on your guys comments. Does this sound ...