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Re: Unknown - Chapter One
She hoped of being a maths teacher as she loved to teach. Typo I believe. You don't need the s in maths ; you spell it math . [/quote] I'm ...
Jan 4, 2009 -
Re: The Afterlife Phenomenon (Preview)
It didn't really grip me to read more. You need to start off with something different. Use something that will grip everyone. Luke ;)
Jan 3, 2009 -
Re: Unknown - Chapter One
Chapter One Jane Westwater was a normal girl. Aged nineteen she worked part-time in McDonald's at the weekends, but during the week went to St Andrews University, where she studied ...
Jan 3, 2009 -
Re: The Letter
This was brilliant. A fantastic opening to a great Action/Adventure plot. I can't wait to read more. It had had me gripped the whole time! You could sense how confused ...
Jul 8, 2008 -
Re: The Prophet Chapter One
I knew it! And thank you so MUCH!!!! There were tons of mistakes and I've decided I'm going to wipe it out and start this chapter again. You've shown me ...
Jul 4, 2008 -
Re: The Prophet Chapter One
OK, I expect a lot of mistakes. I need to get this perfect so could you point out all the mistakes you can find. Thanks guys! I really appreciate it! ...
Jul 4, 2008 -
Re: Like You- Part 1 of Chapter 1 (Revised and Redone)
The start of it was great fantastic description!
Jul 4, 2008 -
Re: Aphrodite's Daughter
This doesn't grip me at all. It might be that I don't like romantic stories, but this doesn't grip me at all.
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: The Kingdom beyond Reality: Book One - Untitled
Great story! Love the start! Fantastic description!
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: My Brother Has A Gun
This is undescribable. The brother must have been psycho. I could see the emotion. Well Done. :) Few grammar mistakes which I'm sure you can spot.
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: Hotdog
That was really cute and funny! The grammar mistakes I spotted had already been pointed out! Great job!
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: On my mind
I must agree with Niteowl. I could see that you're trying to get the emotions of the story to go inside of your readers, but its just not getting inside ...
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: The Prophet The Prologue
I posted this on another post on YWS. It may not seem much but I'm not giving much away at the moment. I will be posting more soon. ;) Prologue ...
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: After Shock (Chapter 1)
That was very confusing for me. There were grammar mistakes that previous critiques have pointed out. But don't let my opinion bring you down. Keep working at it and you'll ...
Jul 3, 2008 -
Re: Prologue of Unnamed Story
Prologue A small baby boy lay in a yellow Moses Basket, with a furry baby blue blanket over him to keep him warm. The room was lovely and cosy. The ...
Jul 3, 2008