lyrical_sunshine

very nice. scary, but nice. then again, i scare easily lol. and i'm watching the Ghost Whisperer right now. so anyway. great start, looking forward to reading more! i would ...

Allllllll right. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you are a new writer. There's nothing wrong with being new. If you bothered to ...

*gasps* They're not young! They're not perfect! They're not unmarried beautiful people sleeping together! What is wrong with you??? haha, that was sarcasm by the way. i'm so very happy ...

hmm...i really like this. it is a little too much information, but you know, it could work. build it up a little slower though; describe everything while you're introducing your ...

Show, don't tell! Don't jump right in and tell us that the crystal shard can still hold magic, or that it's unusual for a White Mage to befriend a shadow ...

i only skimmed this because i'm currently writing something else, lol, but it sounds good. i only caught one thing that was a little awkward. "Probably all of his comic-books ...

^ what she said. it could be wonderful - just add some color. do some family history research. look at pictures of new york to take a good look at ...

wow, this is really beautiful. you're only thirteen? i'm impressed. as far as critiquing goes, i HATE critiquing poetry too much, because if you critique too much you take away ...

hmm. well, i think it's a great start. I'm not actually finished with it yet, but i'll point out a few things I noticed. 1. i think you should change ...