lluvialover

Hi Rascalover, This chapter is good and it sounds very realistic even though..I've never been pregnant lol One part seems to contradict itself. When you reveal Gary's thoughts, you say ...

Thank you for your comment =) I have posted the next two parts of the story.

I noticed that you have a lot of repetitions within the same sentence. As a general rule, don't use the same word at least in two sentences that are next ...

6. Life is Unfair “Hello, Lieutenant Steady, would you like a smoke?” The General offered the young lad a cigarette instead of a seat. Brian glanced around at the many ...

I am not your usual door key, no rather, I am a key to trying patience of anyone that uses me. Those new keys that glide in perfectly into the ...

I agree with everyone else on here, I enjoyed the story too. Here are some of the mistakes I found. The red is the original, the blue is the correction. ...

This was a very unpleasant and vulgar story for me. I have trouble picturing Haley, is she a kid sister, a girl, or a woman? You keep on interchanging both. ...

After I left YWS for about two years, I continued writing this story and finished it. So I will be posting the parts gradually. I am open for all your ...

There is one mistake I found "As I stared, the line between the night sky and the dark black sea became too blurred and soon I could not tell the ...

I like all of this celestial stuff. As I understood it, the planets were a metaphor for a longing to reconcile because of this pull towards each other, and the ...

Hi Elinor, It is about a telephone call. The reason why I said "rewind like a tape" is because it impressed me so much that I can re-listen to it ...

Soul vanishes through ear to catch every Sigh, shout, song, voice, echo, quiver, noise of a passing car Like a silent net that absorbs your world This becomes a memory ...

Overall, I love this story's philosophical idea and the moral it teaches. As for grammar wise, you have a lot of awkward word orders. Some things I might have misunderstood ...

The first letter of each line of the last stanza (I don't know if anyone noticed this) spell out MUAH, as in the sound of a kiss. Meaning wise, it ...

I am addicted to you, Salty Every time you leave me First, with a grain of salt melting on my tongue Next, sparkling in my hair Finally, you scatter all ...