kshsj777

I just randomly come up with names for my characters. If its Sci-Fi or Fantasy, I'll make names up, but I'm pretty sure they're pronouncable. I do have a hard ...

It's interesting but it's too short. I think you shoul write some more, and make it longer. And by the way I'm crazy about French, though I knew what maitre ...

When I started reading it, I got the impression that Alyssana was some sort of spoiled princess or something. I don't know if she's supposed to be good or bad. ...

INT. FRANK’S CAR – DAY There is complete silence in the vehicle except for the thrumming of the engine. Allison is staring out the window, but then turns towards her ...

*NOTE: IF THIS IS TOO LONG, JUST READ PART OF IT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER TITLE FOR THIS, LET ME ...

I think it would be better if you worked the personal note about the "kick" into the main story. Show what happens to Ada next, like her getting her superpowers, ...

I don't agree. If I see "said" too many times in a story I'll get annoyed. (For ex. C.S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia. I love his books, but he uses ...

I'm not sure it makes sense for Wynn to leave him when he's bleeding so badly. Some things I noticed with dialogue: "Hey," I said," how do you know that ...

"Cadets, I am proud as your instructor to announce the next generation of young soldiers, fighting for the freedom and security of this city." A handsome, raven-haired man in his ...

Yeah. I think you're right. Elder Jabeth IS supposed to be smart guy. I'll change it.

I've tried to talk to different people about my writing, but even people that like it don't give me much helpful feedback. That's why I'm posting my stuff on here, ...

Thirteen-year-old Jennifer Sweet stepped off the shuttle, dressed in a simple traveling outfit with a large leather bag slung over her shoulder. She stood still for a moment, her hazel ...

So far, I've read Ch1. Overall I have to say that its very good. A few things I noticed that I wanted to point out. When you mention the price ...

So is the vial filled with liquid that will make Ada a superhero? I know you said it was all destroyed, but did some of it secretly survive?

It's really funny. I loved it! Some more setting would be good, but other than that, I really think its good the way it is.