kokobeans

'Michael Antonini stood in the midst of sunflowers with a gun to his temple.' Great introduction, I love the way you've instantly gave the main character a name, situation, and ...

I quite like this introduction, you've described the startling scene really well. I think leaving a lot of mystery around the main character and the specific details works well as ...

Umm... I have a habit of making very detailed critiques, and I don't read others critiques, in order to look at this without bias. So, sorry if this is a ...

*i'm so confused, everyone is everywhere. Sorry but can I make a request. If everyone put before they write, it might make things a little easier to keep track of* ...

Short and sweet, this is a brilliant piece of writing. I really like your use of alliteration (I think that's the word). I don't really know what else to say, ...

I haven't read through this yet, so i shall post another comment when i do. At a glance, when you break a line to put speach, for example; ...they went ...

Some rhymes are hard to pull off because of accents, which people usually don't consider. It also depends on the readers own preferences. My assumptions are that Cade preferes perfect ...

Sorry for this. I hate giving short or bad critiques, but I have to agree. Your work in general is great, but this seems more depressive than effective. It lacks ...

*Alice person, since you have an idea in mind, how about puppeting the others through the following conversation, that way it goes according to your plan, then we can jig ...

I'm glad Raven stood up for me. Now I'm joining them, soon we'd set off on a great adventure. I try my best to hide my excitement from Luke, who ...

Sorry, I did think that might not make sense, but it's hard to explain. Audiance: Who you're writing to Context: What you're writing Where you've written something that is part ...

Hahaha! Perhaps I heard wrong? 'What?' I ask. 'I want someone to bond with.' I don't mean to insult him, but I can't help giggling a little, before pulling the ...

Here's my edit of pages one to eight, there's a lot of stuff in there. If you could read through it and apply some of what I've said to the ...

Name: Haru Taki (Male) Age: early teens Species: Psychic Grade: supposed to be 7th, though he switches around through the classes out of boredom by using his abilities to convince ...

I lift into another handstand and curve my spine enough to lift my head and look forward at the scene. They fought two monsters that big yesterday? Crickey. In theatres ...