kokobeans

* unfortunately, incredibly vulgar during the conversation I had stopped talking to William because of his vulgar language. Needs a bit more variety I agree with seeminglymeanless. The way this ...

* darkness falls as i DECEND Really interesting, could be longer. The last line puzzles me a bit too, maybe it could use some commas, or be a little more ...

Brilliant! I love your style of writing. Some parts confused me a little, i think cat4prowl has already pointed them out. Apart from that, good work. Kudos.

This is really good. It seems like quite a well written fairy-tale. Did you mean to make it like that, or should this be a full story?

A really good introduction and cliffhanger, i can't wait to read more. Apart from what has already been said; I think in the beginning, connecting with the reader by using ...

Really good, i like the way you've introduced the characters and your ideas, but i think this still needs a few fixes. Variation in the sentence lengths. The constant use ...

wow... descriptive, elegant, complex, absilutely brilliant. I think it would take to long to fully and understand and appreciate this, let alone write it down. So i'll leave it at ...

Very gripping. Complex, but still sweet. I like the way you've really captured the main characters voice (ignore the irony of that, i don't know how else to phrase it). ...

You don’t understand, do you?’ Her hand waved over the candlewick, which exploded and crackled into a large flame. My heart fluttered. ‘I’m just like you…' ----- What was I ...

Well... I assumed that if people didn't know what lockstep meant, the idea of dance, lock, and step, would give the general impression of what kind of dancing it is. ...

so cute! I really like your style of drawing. Kudos. And please let us know if you get the bunny rabbit :p

when they gargled (lmao so far)

Really good, you've got a lot of potential but there seems to be something held back. Have you tried imagining being where Crista is, then brainstorm whatever comes to mind. ...

I love that. I think the whole poem seems to carry on with a steady flow, but then the last line changes the entire meaning, brilliant. Keep it up. Kudos.

You know how every once in a while you read something that is so genuine it makes you forget you're reading this on a computer screen... i think you just ...