kokobeans

^ is very good at typing whilst half asleep < is currently booking a first class ticket to switzerland in order to sample the perculiar recommendation known as 'swiss cheese' ...

A brilliant piece of work. I love the ideas, the plot, the style. You've got a lot of talent. My only recommended changes would be less quotation marks and brackets. ...

This has some really good parts and some not-so-good parts. The middle verse could do with a little more style. I also think it would be better if you added ...

I agree, it needs a bit more description. I think you also need to read through it slowly, maybe say it allowed. There's a few simple spelling and grammar mistakes ...

Very gripping, and quite startling. I really like the way you've distanced the reader from the scene, which has more effect than being inside the characters head. It's a hard ...

(is it too late to join?) Name: Wiki Samson Age: 12 Specialities: He's really smart. He always manages to stay clean nomatter what the situation. Appearance: Just short of 1.5 ...

(so am i in?) Monsters? Dragons? Shadow tribes? I still carried on listening. The more they said, the more my mind raced. These are the stories people tell to scare ...

I really like the first and last. These are really good. You could try using a line of underscores to make it clear that these are separate. All together they ...

Interesting. This is really well written. My suggestions: 'jarred', i assume this is the name of the boy, i struggled at the beginning. The word 'never'd' confused me slightly as ...

I know, I know. I'm used to using msword so I forget the I's. Still working on it. The whole thoughts/speach issue, is that it's all written in first person, ...

(big description. sorry it's long, and slightly dim, i'm back-tracking a bit. If there's no room for my character in the story, just kick him out. I also don't mind ...

Due to previous confusion - see the bottom of this piece I can hear distant voices, but I can't see who is talking. I can't see anything, only a slow ...

Amazing. I agree that the verse order could be changed. The 'dark raging land' interupts the dream-like flow a bit. Great use of imagery, you've managed to use a collection ...

This is really good. I have to disagree with snoink, i like the spinning. The reference to 'Him' (i'm assuming God) does confuse me slightly, it doesn't seem to fit, ...

Brilliant. The variation of the things you say help to build a picture that can be interpreted in so many different ways. I like the rhyming too, the whole poem ...