kokobeans

A brilliant piece of work. It's very origional. I love the way you've managed to bring the characters to life, as well as keeping Paige a patially likeable character, despite ...

To make a character real, they have to have a reason for their actions. That's usually where i go wrong too. The trick to making someone evil, is not making ...

Hmm... If you just want to show that a character is scared - habits are a good way of showing someone is scared, and add to character. Nail-biting, fidgiting, breathing ...

Some good ideas, but i confess i skimmed a lot of the first few paragraphs. It's a bit too much information at once. Maybe you could try combining it with ...

^ has a very cool avatar < is slightly worried she might be attacked my the skandinavian mafia for knowing too much v is probably better at spelling 'skandinvaian' than ...

Whicket! Of all things! Does he even know who he's talking to? This is ridiculous! I'm already working out allies, threats, and total nuicanses. I know I'm young, I know ...

Interesting writing, very unique. I'm not really entirely sure what this is about, or how to interpret it, so perhaps a brief intro or sidenote might help.

Very clever and well written. My only recommendation is to read through it again a little slower to avoid skimming over the smaller mistakes. *It wasw still (2nd paragraph, 1st ...

If you're the kind of person that crinches at cheesy plots and iffy mistakes, avoid this movie. Apart from that I thought it was brilliant, definately adorable and highly inspiring.

My heart is slowly pounding. Her gaze is, warm. I withdraw the bow and slowly edge out into the opening. I can see all four of them clearly now, as ...

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this... It's really good, and very effective. Yes, also scary. I don't fully understand the last part in italics though, i'm not ...

(yey. sorry if i muddled up somewhere) At last the elf and boy return to the fire, and i watch as they further discuss whatever trouble they where about to ...

I stand back, shifting sand beneath my feet. They're arguing already? We need a leader, I know that. I also know that I have no intention of conforming to the ...

Haru I wake up to the sound of girls talking. Talking! People! Slowly I shift to sit up and stare around the darkness. One of the girls gasps. "What's that?" ...

Name: Haru Teaki Gender: Male Hair: long, really blonde Skin: Fair Eyes: dark blue Wand: scorched maple and hawks feather House: griffindor Year:1