kokobeans

(just a reminder, feel free to puppet my character a bit, it'll help to speed up those conversations that take days to get through) I flinch slightly when Karana finally ...

I like this. You've kept the writing simple, but still portraying something complex behind it. It's very cute, but I do agree that it could be longer. I think it ...

This is brilliant, and very gripping. I love the way you've introduced the main character and his situation, the switching of opinions at the beginning works great. My only recommendations ...

Haha, I like this, it's very smart and witty. I can't pick out much structure or rythm though, so a lot of it is hard to follow. Maybe some quotation ...

*>.> ...

So we're building a shelter. Admitedly a good idea in such obscure crisis, but the idea of gathering so many people under a single shelter is something I'd much rather ...

This is a decent start, with a bit of work it could be brilliant. My suggestions: (sorry, there's a few things here) An extra line spacing in between paragraphs stops ...

I like this piece. It's funny and very witty, you've captured the characters well. My only suggestion would be to repeat the others, it needs a little more description and ...

I always thought that not learning anything in kindergarten was the result of eating too many cheap-brand crayons

I love this! A fantastic use of imagary and metaphors, it's really something to think on. This may not be very helpful as I can't really see any mistakes or ...

I hold Charlottes hand tight as we cross the beach towards the light. It seems other people have also already chosen their friends, swarming in tiny clusters to the fire ...

I really like this, great use of imagary. (I shall one day learn to spell that word. Just a few this I couldn't get my head around. What's 'spiderweb sans' ...

Wow this is so beautiful, I love it. There's a good rythm all the way through, and your rhymes are great aswell. I can't find much to comment on, just ...

I really like this. It's a very gripping story and caught my attention straight away. There are a few cliches that could be taken out. There's also a basic rule ...

Once again I'm very impressed. I love your work. You've got a lot of talent. I really like the layout. 'and-I-fell-in- ......with gasping breaths' This is a good idea and ...