klotrox16

I liked how you put it in letter format, but a couple things. First, your rhyming is irrgeular, so see if you could shape it a little more. Second, I ...

Playing the guitar is simple. Without even thinking, I close my eyes and strum. In one swift movement I go, string to fret, string to fret. My pick flies as ...

I think your lyrics have a good message. The flow is solid and so is the rhyming, except "See the sun, it’s begun to make beautiful sound" is kind of ...

Thank you so much! Much appreciated! It was great, and I started drawing manga which I should post sometime! -Klotrox

Nice imagery. You seem to veer off into a different style of writing after the second paragraph though then switch back. I like the message it seems like ity should ...

This is a touching story. Is it true? Solid writing too-well written and good descriptions. I really could feel your loneliness and being out-of-place. The message was also good. It's ...

Overall it's a very cute story. Doesn't have much structure, though you probably already know this. I think the ening was definitly cut waaaay too short. There should've been more ...

This is very original. I like it alot. It's cool how you go from email format to narrative. But be careful not to switch topics because you tend to veer ...

Thank you for the suggestion, though I don't know what you mean by "thinking about" if you coud pinpoint that it would be great. Also, switching the humans with the ...

Grammatical errors? Darn...I even had it spell checked. As far as everything else you're absolutely right. It was the most random thing I cooked up in like 30 minutes for ...

Theme: a llama surgeon is running from a bear in a dorm. Dr. Strangellama “Almost there…aaaaalmooooost there” Julian subconsciously mumbled while examining Juanita’s left nostril. “Is she al

This is very beautiful, and i loved how you started it out with a line from a song. You really conveyed your message of the hypocrisy of this world. Your ...

You have a great skill. I love how you developed the chracter and made them seem to raw and real. The imagery was so clear and vivid, I could just ...

I think this was hilarious! SNL worthy, definitely. But I think at the beginning you should've put a setting to help the reader. And toward the end maybe you should've ...

Thank you for your feedback! It's a cntest entry and today is the deadline so I'm grateful you told me this so I could change it in time! -Klotrox