kayles

This is a really good piece, but the only thing that really nagged me was the fact that the funeral is on the day following the murder - this kind ...

You've captured Zack's point of view really well, well done! Can't wait to read more of it, its a great start!

Fantastic piece! The imagery is excellent and the twist is good, but I agree with gadi, if you were to tweak it a little, it could be even stronger. Personally, ...

I actually really like the opening scene with Mary-Jane Merrick - I've The Elephant Man film many times, but never really knew much about his mother, so despite a previous ...

This piece is excellent! The beginning reminds of Dylan Moran style monologues that appear in the British TV series 'Black Books'. Some trivial points: "getting me a shoe and he ...

I've read this a few times now, and I have mixed feelings about it. The opening paragraph is good - you convey the emotion well, the feeling of wanting to ...

I agree with B, I've written very emotionally charged pieces about events in my own life before, and its not hard to get caught up in the memory when you're ...

Its a good beginning with a lot of potential, some great rhetorical questions in there. It really sets the scene for a story with a lot of reflective thought involved ...

I sit here watching him walk around the apartment. The sawdust beneath my feet tickles, almost to the point of itching – I think I’m allergic to it, but Paul ...

Hehe I like this story, its so sweet! The character and voice is excellent, and the imagery is good too. Great work!

I like the effect of pure dialogue, and the piece has great narrative drive! But the doctor's character seems a little idiotic to me, bigoted perhaps, is this intended?

This is a goof piece, I agree with Magyk, I want to know what happens next! There are a few grammatical mistakes, and you could benefit from commas in places, ...

I like this, its cute! But there were a couple of jarring points:, like "Mary Jane’s, the scuff-marks on the toes obvious on the toes" - the repetitive use to ...

Good piece - love the idea - some spelling and grammatical errors that drag it down a little, and the section about Sara's relationship with her mother is a little ...

This is a very strong and evocative piece, very well written! There's a strong narrative drive and the voice is excellent. Some spelling mistakes, and the situation with the boy ...