kayles

Your imagery is good however your grammatical and punctuation errors really weigh your piece down. It may help for you to read your piece out loud to yourself to be ...

This is a really strong piece, your imagery and descriptions are excellent - you really get under your reader's skin. The emotions are good too, I like the way you ...

Love it! Completely hilarious and very original. In addition to Misty's notes, this passage was a little confusing to me: “In my view, Tomatoism is a great way to start ...

Love this piece! It seems futuristic with the selling of babies, but when you think about it, its only a short step away from buying sperm and such from sperm ...

I come upstairs to find ALL the lights on. It doesn't make much sense to me, how a 16 year old girl who takes up less than one metre squared ...

Very powerful piece, particularly considering its length. Very well written, although perhaps a little sensory/emotional description in some places could strengthen your piece. The end is also a littl

Love the idea, very original! Some spelling mistakes, but no major criticisms. Can't wait to read on!

Your characterization is excellent, and you clearly convey the scene. However there isn't a lot of sympathy generated for Diana - in fact, she seems a bit of a brat. ...

Lying in bed, she didn't want to move, to get up, to eat, to shower, oblivious to her parents at the door, concerned looks on their faces. 'Are you okay ...

This piece is a lot stronger for the revision, nice job!

The humour's really good, interesting idea! No major problems, although its spelt Osama bin Laden :)

Aha! I found the next bit :D Narrative drive is excellent, I love how you tie the two separate scenes of the piece together at the end of the chapter. ...

Great piece, the imagery and characterization are excellent! But like some of the previous critiques mentioned, its hard to know what's going on - are you planning on working on ...

Love the concept, and its well written besides a few minor spelling and punctuation mistakes. At times you tend to tell the reader what's going on rather than showing them ...

I really like this piece, the fable hidden within it is pretty relevant in modern society. Well done! Just remember to proof-read your work :)