jsmith_24601

Thanks for the kind feedback; much appreciated. Feel free to be far more critical - the more it gets shredded, the better I can make it.

Apologies; I'm removing this as I'm submitting it to a competition. Thank you for all the feedback.

It's good, and there's a good use of imagery to ground the reader in the visual experience. In terms of the broader story, I'm curious - are you planning to ...

I really liked the piece. How far are you planning on taking it (short story? novella? something longer?). I think sensory details would help ground the reader a lot more. ...