joshuapaul

'Give the reader a reason to keep reading' - that is constructive. I apologise if I was harsh; I didn't enjoy the piece. I'm not doing the author a diservice ...

Perhaps mention this as a foreword. I still don't know what the reader could possibly take from this. Empress could you open my eyes a little, for you are the ...

leave it, the ambiguity is good leaves thereader thinking.

Thanks June, will impliment changes soon!

Wow JRS you seem stubborn when it comes to accepting feedback. And you already refer to 'Fighting Fire' as 'the book' which suggests to me you believe publishers are waiting ...

I agree with the writingcat. Start a new paragraph everytime a new person speaks. You kind of got away with it in this piece but don't make a habit of ...

I don't have the time nor the energy to write a full review but I will give you a couple of tips/pointers. For a competition know exactly what the judges ...

Thanks June will PM regarding punctuation!

I had to keep myself reading, I wanted to stop after the irst line but I soldiered on with no reward. This story has no plot and if it did ...

scrap the first paragraph. Everything revealed in the first paragraph can be entwined in the events. You don't need to establish the setting from the first word. Leave it a ...

Hated it. But I'm a guy so I'm supposed to hate romantic fiction. Perhaps if you tweaked it a little I would hate it less. Firstly why on earth is ...

Thanks for your replys. Hero, theres a few themes I'm really tryin to push her, one being ' Any religious faith can unite people.' Tom overcomes his racist and stubborn ...

hmm I don't read alot of poetry but enjoyed this piece. I'm sure there is some thing you could do to tweak but it would not be my place to ...

Yea I'm familiar with American Pyscho. Well that makes perfect sense, I assumed she was dellusional but the way it was narrated confused me. I assumed the narrator was a ...

Brutal Critiques welcome. Nit Picks encouraged. The Old Man This chink, my daughters fiancé was on his way for dinner and to spend the night. Kate had called my wife ...