joshuapaul

Duplicate , deleted.

This needs a lot of work. I'm a kiwi myself - you can call me KiwiJosh if you like - but I live in Canada now and its pretty late ...

'Cute.'

hmm a little sentimental for my taste - not to mention detached and allusive. I did enjoy it some though. For some strange reason I thought this was posted in ...

I'm not so sure about this. Particularly the intro. With such a heart-throbbing mind-twisting premise I would prefer to see action from the get go. Come in to this harder, ...

hmm not bad. I hated it at first until I realised the folk, round-the-campfire voice you wanted to emulate. It kind of reads like a fairy tale. Almost. Which is ...

I like the title and the first two lines. I also like Florence. I think you need to strengthen it up, douse it with a little imagery. I'm not sure ...

This is lovely. But I have no idea what part is you and what part(s?) are the quoted song. I'm not sure what you want to do with it, so ...

I had a lot to say about this as I read but by the time I got to the end, I was so engrossed I seemed to misplace my criticism. ...

Kafka, much better than the first chapter in my opinion. You have a unique, clever voice and your prose rolls from the tongue, I want to say something about molasses ...

Razcoon lies, she is not 100 till November. As for Yoda, you have the smallest hands I have ever seen. Yuck.

I could tell you that I don't normally enjoy poetry; I could tell you that I'm not one for the ambiguity of it all, but what does that mean to ...

The lightning flashes through the oh-so-thin window pane pain revealing the casting a shadow of the my pursuer one I have been trying to escape . The sight of her ...

I would normally be loath to read a 9/11 tribute on the ten year anniversary of 9/11, I'm not one for the sentiment. But it's you, so I read it ...

Hi there, A figure ran through the dark halls, like a ghost gliding silently over the cold hardwood floors. This is awkward. You start the second clause with 'like' so ...