jonny911

By stock do you mean stocks (meaning he collects people) or stalks (meaning he follows them around). I've just never heard of an animal that collects humans (that would be ...

If your story is really like you tell it, I'll be hitting my computer with a hammer and getting a psychotic grammar tutor within the next week. :)

I don't like it. The name sounds really common. Also, Stuart is a strange spelling. It almost seems like is spelt wrong, even though it isn't. I'd rethink your "last" ...

You'll definitely find the comments more helpful than hurtful. I'd type up the story now and see what feedback you get.

I really like it. I feel you really rushed through chapter 1 but chapter 2 is very good! Still, feel free to slow down a bit. I feel you aren't ...

great idea! I'd read it!

Very helpful! I don't get that temperature thing, but I'll get over it!

for the second problem, the best thing to do (at least in the beggining) is to just be vauge. If your two main characters are rivals, but you don't want ...

Oh, how bout this? You could have the girl be someone who was abused by their parents when they where young because of her imperfections, so she's really shy and ...

One great way to get ideas is to just observe things. Watch people and try to imagine how they think. Watch animals and try to figure out what they have ...