jonny911

Neither of these seem very prone to a horror story. And give us more details: what do you mean by survivor. Finally, this is a writer's site, you try to ...

I'll crit this as I go along Day One: Journal of General Tarce Tyrst Naerith (way too confusing a name!) It was dark today (if the sun's light got blocked, ...

geometry

My name is Freedom Tomorrow is my day. I sat on the lumber pile on the north side of town. The moon had just risen, and white light dotted the ...

So they can party with the grass for spring break. Why do monkeys like bannas so much?

The tree is a little too dark. Also, it looks like something is on his head. The grass looks nice, but the signs behind the fence detract from the overall ...

6/10 cool but your hands look really dirty!

It's a pretty good description, but you really "lay it on thick". I mean, non-existance? There is a line between a beautiful, unpassionate character and a... overly dramtized character. I ...

That probaly is a problem. You really should keep your plot in mind throughout the entire writing, so you have an idea of how one thing relates to the rest ...

First of all, I'll echo Seraph tree. I couldn't really figure out who was who since you have three characters and 0 intros. And what the heck does this Cafe ...

I always thought taste was just an illusion created by the Taste Fairy!

Like the light: 9/10

SILVER BULLETZ MARKETING PLAN As Vice President for the Silver Bulletz, I have devised a marketing plan. Marketing is very important to me and my team, and I hope this ...

I won't mix words, I didn't like it much. I can see you have some talent but this writing doesn't reflect it. 1. The pacing is off. It goes= Thing ...

Thanks for the help! I'm almost finished editing. Check out the Companion story, Cipher!