jessicayung

Thank you carelessaussie13 and xDudettex! I'll improve on it and post the second draft soon. :)

Your story's got a lot of emotion in it, and the first sentence is captivating. :) Good work there. There are some technical errors, though. (unnecessary articles, word choice: 'insure' ...

I often find self-help books more 'life-changing' that any other type. The current bestselling 'Outliers' is great, along with Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People etc. Classic ...

Your lyrics are mysterious. Just like black magic ought to, I guess. I read through this a couple times before starting to interpret (well I'm trying to, anyhow) what you're ...

Excellent - has all the elements of fantasy a reader would want. 1. Setting: Complete, though one or two more specific descriptions along the way may improve the impression (depends ...

Hi everyone! I'm Jessica, 13, a student from Hong Kong. (far, far away from most of you ) I can't believe I had the fortune to stumble upon this site ...

Technical suggestions: 1. David Wyatt was up long before the sun, his pen making orderly letters on several different pieces of paper. This makes it seem like he wakes up ...

Hi! Funny I have the same name as you. :) And our birth dates are quite close (well excluding the year. Which is actually close too). Black! Yes, black is ...

It's great to know you're self-evaluating! That's definitely a step towards success in '10. :wink: Not sure if I'm qualified to give you suggestions on your resolutions, but anyways: 1. ...

1 "Farah, no!" Heat engulfed the shadow of a woman, her blonde curls blending with the dancing flames. A sheet of grey smoke separated mother from daughter, growing denser each ...

Right, so here's what I think of it: Technical suggestions: a)'Benjamin! What are we going to do!' Exclamation mark should be replaced by question mark. b) 'She shut eyes feeling ...

That's a really cool first chapter you've got. I can't wait for the next one! :D Though there were a few technical errors, this chapter's a winner. Keep writing! Specificially: ...