hershey

I think it's good, but it could be a lot better. 1. Commas are your friend. If you're going to have a long sentence, break it up with commas. Or ...

No, Ella, I have not edited it yet. I am right now.

Thanks for the critic everyone. I'll edit it. Read again and tell me if I need anything else. Thanks

That was SO well, written, it was as if J.K. Rowling had written an epilogue to the seventh book. It sounded exactly like George and what he would say and ...

I agree, it needs to be much longer. Good so far, but- It's SUSPICIOUS, not SUSPESIOUS. The sentence beginning with "I KEPT MY GIFT TO MYSELF..." is a little long. ...

I see what you mean about adding suspense at the end, but I'm going to wait for others to comment on my story before I edit it. Thanks for the ...

This is the edited version, which I like better. "It really is cruel that you have to go to school the day after Halloween." Kayla thought. "Everyone is tired and ...

While I was reading this, I could see everything in my head; you described it so well. However, I gotta agree with eaglefire91 and ask if the f-word is really ...

A very good story, and all I think you need to do is slow it down a little, describe more of the emotions and what's happening around the character. And ...

DEAD, BUT NOT GONE Chapter 1 Have you ever gotten a headache? Probably. Have you ever gotten an “oh my God this hurts so bad I just want to die” ...

It's good, but it has a long way to go. 1) The sentence starting with "In the background you could her screams..." could be cut into probably ten smaller sentences. ...