greenjay

It was a sketch of Khor and Gerin in the hall battling, only Gerin’s chain wrapped around Khor’s neck and hiss head rolled around on the floor. Khor crumpled it ...

Cool! That was a really good chapter. I liked all the stories and it was VERY VERY VERY good. I would love to give you some suggestions of how to ...

Has Jason was starting the shower when he thought he heard his Uncle say something, As...not has :P. As they waited for the umpire to get there Jason sat on ...

I think the answer should be Ralph Nadur...

The young black horse took to the path like a cougar, both ready and quick. It knew its way, so Phil let it have its head. Elyan’s small white horse ...

I didn't find anything to correct :D. That's a good thing :P. I like this chapter, it's a good one. I like how much Daeun's people love him :D. Anyway ...

The long metal desk broke off in the center where stairs led down to a slightly lowered lever . Level...:P “He could at least but some kinda heater in this ...

:? I'm confused...:P. Just kidding. All I can really say is good job. It was a good thoughtful story that made a (I guess) good point. -greenjay

Mathias I smiled, a sudden thought popping in my head. They were pretty good; they should join the circus. I quickly discarded this thought and slipped into the Royal Gardens. ...

Ooo! Sweet map... He ignored their desperate pleas to remain back and entered the stable, spotting Tsuunai’s black hide in the center of the commotion: a man with a harshly ...

Err...um... :oops: ...I forgot to add in the footnotes...Now you can figure out what on earth a Dugon is :P. Philip, Johnny, and their family are Tors, the creatures with ...

It's fine Layleun, I got the jist of it at least. Alana, Quin, Tobias, and Sirius are going with Mathias up onto the roof and into the palace. Sorry if ...

Thanks everyone! I did some editing so it should be better now :D. I revised the first paragraph some, and I actually like it now :P. Anyway thanks! More crits ...

Notes: 1. The little boxes are stopping points...they were cooler on my computer :(. 2. Sometimes I have ()'s with an explanation in them following the intruduction of a new ...

Good...That's about all I can think to say :P. -GJ